CONTENT WARNING: MODERATE LANGUAGE AND SOME BRUTAL VIOLENCE
The heat is coming.
Kyon is fanning himself with his pencil.
Then Haruhi shows up on a crutch, with her injured leg in a cast.
She takes her seat behind Kyon and drops her bag on the desk.
Haruhi says, "Fan me too."
Kyon says, "Fan yourself. Look, have you ever heard the song 'Bluebird of Happiness'?"
"What about it?"
"Then shut the hell up. You're making my leg feel worse."
Haruhi is still not letting that injured leg incident go.
Okabe walks in.
Kyon says, "If it gets any hotter I'd feel like some astronaut in the center of the sun."
He has no idea how hot it's about to get.
(OP: "Bouken Deshou Deshou? (cover version)" by Emma Watson)
Today's episode: "A Watcher Snaps! Now That Was Unexpected"
Kyon walks into the Literature Clubroom.
Yuki is still reading Fahrenheit 451. Itsuki had just come in. Kyon asks, "Don't you also have something to tell me about Suzumiya?"
"Oh? And I'd be under the impression that the other two have already approached you, right? Let's move to a different location. We wouldn't want Suzumiya to walk in on us."
At the outdoor cafeteria, Itsuki and Kyon carry on with the business that should pretty much be expected.
Itsuki asks, "How much do you know?"
"The fact that Suzumiya isn't just a high-functioning autistic girl and definitely isn't an ordinary person, I guess."
"That makes things quite simple. That is exactly the case."
"Why don't you start by telling me who you really are? Judging from who Yuki and Mikuru are, I'm guessing you're an ESPer. Am I right?"
"I would rather you not preempt my words. It isn't quite the same, but it's a good guess. Yes, I am an ESPer.
"I actually wasn't intending to transfer here all of a sudden, but the situation has changed.
"Surely I couldn't have anticipated the two of them joining forces with Haruhi Suzumiya so readily. Up until that point, they'd been merely observing her from a distance.
"Please don't think ill of me. We are doing everything we can--we mean her no harm. In fact, we're trying to protect her from possible danger."
"You say we. Does that mean there are a lot more like you? You know, ESPers or whatever."
"That would be an exaggeration. However, there are quite a few of us. I'm part of the outer circle so I can't be sure, but there should probably be 10 or so worldwide, all under the employ of the Organization.
"Its composition is unknown; same goes for its numbers. Though it appears that the top people call the shots."
"And so what does this secret Organization do, anyway?"
"Just as you'd imagine: ever since the Organization started three years ago, its top priority has been the observation of Haruhi Suzumiya.
"Put simply, it was created for the sole purpose of observing Suzumiya. You've probably already guessed as much, but I'm not the only one in this school.
"There are others like me planted here. I have merely come as additional personnel."
"That guy who's been in Haruhi's class since junior high… name of Taniguchi… could he be an ESPer too?"
"Well, I don't know about that. In any case, I can assure you that a number of people are situated near Suzumiya.
"I don't know what happened three years ago; all I know is that on that day, I discovered within me what could only be described as ESP.
"I was in a panic at first, and quite frightened as well. Then the Organization took me in and gave me guidance. Otherwise, I might have thought I went insane and killed myself."
"You sure you haven't actually been insane this whole time?"
"Yes, that could be a possibility. However, we fear a more frightening possibility. When do you believe this world came into existence?"
"Didn't it start with the Big Bang eons ago?"
"That is the current belief. However, we are unable to discount the hypothesis that the world began at midnight on April 7, 2000."
"That's impossible. I remember things that happened over three years ago, and my parents are alive and well.
"I still have the three stitches from when I fell into a ditch as a kid. And what about all that Japanese history I'm cramming into my head?"
"What if I were to say that all humans, including you, had been born one day with those memories intact? How could you confirm or deny that? It doesn't have to be 2000.
"If I were to say the entire universe had been predefined and this world was born a mere five minutes ago, you would find it impossible to formulate an argument to prove me wrong.
"For example, take virtual reality. Electrodes are placed into your brain.
"If the images you see, the air you smell, the table you feel… they're all just data being transmitted to your brain, you would never realize they weren't real, would you?
"In reality, this world is quite fragile."
"Let's assume everything you said is true. The world began, say, three years or five seconds ago, for example. How do you twist it so Haruhi's name comes up?"
"The higher-ups in the Organization believe that this world is but a dream of a certain being. We--no, the whole world--is but a dream to that being.
"And because it is just a dream, creating and altering this world we call reality is mere child's play for that being.
"And we know the name of the being capable of such acts. A being who can create and destroy at will--humans have defined such a being as God.
"This so frightens the Organization, for if by any chance this world loses the favor of God, it could simply be destroyed and recreated at whim.
"Think of it as like a child not liking how her sandcastle looks. This world may be filled with inconsistencies, but I happen. to feel some attachment to it. That is why I am a member of the Organization."
"Why don't you just ask Haruhi? Ask her politely not to destroy the world, and she just might listen."
"See, that's the problem: Suzumiya is, of course, unaware of what she actually is. She has yet to realize her true potential.
"In that case, we are of the idea that she would be better off not knowing and living her life in peace."
"So you're basically going to let sleeping gods lie? Is that it?"
"You could consider her an incomplete god. She is still unable to control the world at will. But while her abilities are still undeveloped, we have begun witnessing signs."
"How can you tell?"
"Why do you think ESPers such as ourselves and time travelers like Mikuru Asahina and aliens like Yuki Nagato exist in this world? Simple: Suzumiya wills it.
"She is still unable to consciously wield her godlike powers. She can only use them unconsciously through coincidence.
"However, we know that during these past few months, Haruhi has clearly been displaying powers beyond human comprehension.
"I probably don't need to tell you the consequences. Suzumiya met Mikuru Asahina and Yuki Nagato, and I was also added to her little group."
"So I'm basically the odd one out?"
"Not exactly. On the contrary, you are the biggest mystery. Though it be bad form, I investigated a number of things concerning you.
"I can assure you, you possess no special abilities. You are an ordinary human."
"Should I be relieved or disappointed?"
"I wouldn't know. It's quite possible that you hold the fate of the world in your hands. From us to you, please take care not to let Suzumiya lose all hope for this world."
"If Haruhi is God, why don't you capture her and dissect her and figure out how her brain is wired? It might be a quick way to figure out how her world works."
"There are in fact diehards among us who advocate such a measure. However, the majority believes that we should not interfere.
"If we inadvertently sour her mood, chances are it will be Situation Normal, All Fouled Up. We wish to preserve the current state of this world, so our only wish is for Suzumiya to live a peaceful life.
"Should we make a mistake, it would be like trying to take chestnuts roasting on an open fire; you'll only end up getting burned."
"So what exactly do we do?"
"I don't know."
"If theoretically, just theoretically, Haruhi were to suddenly die, what would happen to the world?"
"Indeed. Perhaps the world would be terminated at the same time. Or perhaps the world would continue Godless. Or perhaps a new God would be born. Nobody knows the answer. Not until it happens."
"You did say you were an ESPer, right?"
"Yes. We call ourselves by a different name, but simply put, ESPer wouldn't be that inaccurate a label."
"So show me what you can do… say, reheat this cup of coffee, for example… so I'll have seen some proof of your power."
Itsuki smiles. "Unfortunately, my power cannot be so easily manipulated. Also, I usually have no power at my disposal.
"A number of conditions must be met before I can use my power at any time. I'm sure there'll be an opportunity to show you.
"Sorry to drag on so long. I'll excuse myself for today."
Itsuki gets up and leaves. Kyon grabs his paper cup. It's still cold.
The next morning, Kyon encounters a note in his shoebox. What he sees surprises him.
"AFTER SCHOOL WHEN EVERYONE'S GONE, COME TO CLASSROOM 1-5."
Kyon says, "Now this is a surprise."
Kyon stops by the clubroom and remembers to knock this time. Mikuru says, "Yes, come in."
Kyon opens the door. Mikuru says, "You were late today. Where's Suzumiya?"
"She went home. Seemed like she was tired. Now's your chance to kick her while she's down."
Suddenly, a familiar synthesized leitmotif accompanied by a few short bursts of distorted guitar chords played like a machine gun firing and action-oriented percussion, plays.
Yuki's expression changes slightly. She closes her book and walks out of the room as Mikuru counters, "I wouldn't do anything like that!"
"Koizumi hasn't come yet?"
"Koizumi showed up earlier, but only to tell us he had to go to work."
After a few rounds of Othello, Mikuru looks at the clock (which had been put back on its rightful place in the wall since the last terrorbyte invasion). It's 5:30.
Mikuru says, "I'm going to change, so you can go home first."
Kyon gets up and heads for 1-5, unaware of the danger he's about to step into.
Meanwhile, Haruhi is back home and, having changed out of her uniform and into her T-shirt/jean shorts/tights ensemble (with the red tights going over her cast for an unnatural huge lower leg effect), is watching her tape of Westworld as it ends.
Then, after she walks up to the VCR on her crutch and ejects the tape, she turns to see Yuki standing in her room. "Yuki? What are you doing here?"
Yuki says, "I came to impart some serious news. Your boyfriend is in mortal danger. If he sets foot in your classroom, he's a goner."
Haruhi yells, "Shit! Well then, there's no time to waste! Kyon had better not try to actually fight this time, as he could get stabbed, vaporized, or break his arm in the process.
"I'll do the actual fighting!"
Yuki says, "No. You're not. We are."
Kyon reaches 1-5. Ryoko Asakura says, "You're late. Why don't you come in?"
Kyon walks in and says, "It's you, huh?"
"Yes. Didn't expect me, did you?"
"What do you want from me?"
"There is something I need from you. I want you to ask you something."
Cure Dio bursts out of the house through the door, her limp and cast mysteriously gone. "All right, Cure Extraterrestre, if Kyon's really in mortal danger, then where are you?"
"I'm right here."
Cure Dio looks behind her and sees a slender figure wearing a silver jumpsuit with Tron lines, silver gloves, and silver thigh-high boots.
Her face is obscured by a silver helmet with a dark visor.
Cure Dio asks, "You ready for some real excitement? Think of it--the high-spirited young girl saving her boyfriend from James Bondage and possibly mortal peril!"
After Dio flashes the metal horns, Cure Extraterrestre says, "To North High."
Ryoko says, "You know, humans always say it's better to regret something you did rather than to regret something you didn't do. What's your opinion on that?"
Kyon says, "I don't know about it being a common saying, but it probably means what it says."
"Then hypothetically speaking, if there were a situation where maintaining the status quo would only make things worse, but nobody knew what to do…
"What would you do?"
"Come again? Are you talking about the Japanese economy?"
"Wouldn't you think that change--any change, be it ever so small--would be best for now? Nothing will improve the way things currently are."
"Well, I guess that's one way to look at it."
Cures Dio and Extraterrestre run up the hill leading up to North High.
Cure Dio yells, "Shit! I almost completely forgot how much I hate steep slopes!"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "Well, we'd better hurry over to your classroom if you ever want to see your boyfriend alive again."
Cure Dio says, "I guess you're right…"
The long run continues.
Ryoko says, "But you know, the panel of authorities is like one big stick in the mud who can't keep up with sudden change.
"But I can't afford such complacency out in the field. I've observed her from the shadows long enough without change.
"A lack of action would only allow the situation grow worse. In that case, it should be OK for me to act on my own to assert changes, right?"
Cures Dio and Extraterrestre reach the entrance.
Cure Dio asks, "What do you think should be our course of action?"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "Is it that obvious? We go in!"
The Cures enter the shoe locker area.
"I've grown quite tired of observing a static subject that in my humble opinion should help auto-evolution's cause. That's why…"
Ryoko then whispers, "I'm going to kill you and see how Miss Suzumiya reacts."
Kyon asks, "What?"
Ryoko says, "I said, I'm going to kill you and see how Miss Suzumiya reacts."
With that, she sends a knife toward Kyon and comes damn close to beheading him. He yells, "Stop joking around! That's really dangerous! Even a fake knife would be enough to scare anyone, so stop!"
The Cures are running down the halls.
Cure Dio yells, "I honestly can't concentrate right now, I'm very worried that someone tried to kill my Kyon!"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "Let's take this flight of stairs. It should lead us to 1-5."
The Cures run upstairs.
"You think this is a joke? You don't want to die? You don't want me to kill you? I'm sorry, but I really don't understand the concept of death for organic life forms."
Kyon says, "I don't get it. It's not funny. Just put that dangerous thing down."
Ryoko says, "Sorry, that's impossible. Because I truly want you to die."
Kyon sees the charge toward him coming. He runs to the door and crashes into a wall.
Cures Dio and Extraterrestre reach the room. Cure Dio tries to open the door, and she blindly charges in.
Her face meets concrete. She says, "Shit… it's not supposed to be there…"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "Whoever it was that blocked the entrance knew what she was doing and how to form concrete from nothing."
Cure Dio says, "Let's try the windows. I don't think she'd consider those!"
"It's no use. This space is now under my data jurisdiction. Escape routes have been blocked. It was trivial to do.
"The structures on this planet can be altered with some slight tweaking to the data for molecular bonds. The classroom is sealed. No one can enter or leave."
Kyon looks around. Ryoko is right--there's nothing but wall surrounding them! "Naze!?"
The Cures enter a nearby classroom. Cure Dio tries to open a window and says, "Locked! Got a key?"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "Yes."
Suddenly, the window opens. Cure Dio mutters, "Holy shit…"
EVO pops out from behind Cure Extraterrestre and says, "Let's go, peeps! Activate suction gloves!"
Cure Dio exits the window and feels her hands stick to the concrete outside. She's dangling outside.
She reaches the 1-5 window and pulls herself up only to see concrete. She says, "No… it can't be."
Cure Extraterrestre, who had climbed in beside her, says, "I can still help."
Ryoko slowly walks toward Kyon while saying, "Come on, just give up. The result will be the same in the end."
"Who are you?"
Soon, Kyon finds himself cornered. He throws a chair toward Ryoko, but she sends it flying in a different direction.
"It's no use. Didn't I tell you? Right now, everything in this classroom moves according to my will.
"I should've done this from the get-go."
Kyon finds himself frozen.
Cure Extraterrestre says, "There is still a way."
Cure Dio asks, "Dove?"
The Cures start climbing up to the ceiling.
"If you die, Suzumiya is certain to take some sort of action. I'll probably even bear witness to a considerable data explosion--a golden opportunity."
The Cures reach the ceiling. Cure Extraterrestre says, "OK, on three, we start stomping into the ceiling. One… two… three!"
Cures Dio and Extraterrestre start stomping on the ceiling to try to make it break under them.
The Cures continue stomping. Cracks start to occur.
Ryoko raises her knife.
The stomping continues. Significant damage is being done. Cure Extraterrestre yells, "NOW!"
The knife descends toward Kyon.
With one last powerful stomp, Cures Dio and Extraterrestre break through the ceiling.
Right before the knife can puncture Kyon, the ceiling collapses. At first Kyon can't believe what he sees as he moves to check if Ryoko's covered in cement powder.
But when he comes to, the reality sinks in.
There stand Cures Dio and Extraterrestre like stone walls. Extraterrestre has the blade of Ryoko's knife between her fingers. Dio is aiming her right hand at Ryoko like a weapon.
Cure Dio is a bit surprised. "Ryoko Asakura? Why did you suddenly decide to kill my boyfriend? And why did you try to seal your crime scene with this data... manipulating thing you do?"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "The spatial lockdown and data blockade in the ceiling was too weak. That is why I was able to detect you and intrude upon this space."
Ryoko says, "Amazing! She's going to get in my way?"
Kyon is startled. "That's a girl!?"
Cure Dio says, "Scusami for not telling you earlier, but I just found out too. Apparently, our quarry has always know the gender of Cure Extraterrestre."
Kyon says, "I wonder how cute the face happens to be under her helmet!"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "All things at the right time."
Ryoko says, "If this human is killed, Miss Suzumiya, I have a gut feeling you're bound to react and emit more data."
Cure Extraterrestre says, "You are supposed to be my backup. Independent action has not been authorized. You are supposed to obey me."
"And what if I don't?"
"I will nullify your data link."
"Go ahead and try. I have the upper hand here. This classroom is now located within space under my data jurisdiction."
Cure Dio says, "Holy shit! We've landed in enemy territory! Let's give her hell and reclaim my classroom!"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "I am now requisitioning the nullification of your data link."
Suddenly, Ryoko drops the knife as it dissolves. Cure Dio yells, "Stop this felonious and unlawful act at once or I shall have to use force!"
Ryoko says, "Negative. If you do not agree with my tactics, Miss Suzumiya, then consider yourself my enemy."
Cure Dio says, "Fair enough!"
Ryoko sends a volley of spears toward Cure Dio that Cure Extraterrestre deflects. The latter says, "Stay close."
With that, Cure Extraterrestre pulls Kyon's necktie downward as another volley of spears flies toward him.
Cure Extraterrestre says, "You can't defeat me while we're in this space."
Cure Extraterrestre then mutters an incantation and turns the entire space geometric in an instant.
This is exactly why there are warnings before Japanese animations on Japanese television that highlight precautions to take to avoid possible epileptic seizures.
Ryoko says, "You'll cease functioning before that happens."
Cure Extraterrestre throws Kyon into the air to prevent him from getting speared. Ryoko says, "I wonder how long you two can last while protecting that thing. Then how about this?"
Cure Extraterrestre is promptly impaled. One spear is settled just above her nose. Cure Dio yells, "Cure Extraterrestre!"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "There is no need for you to move. I am fine."
Cure Dio says, "Like hell you are!"
Ryoko says, "Now that you've suffered so much damage, you won't be able to interfere with other data. I'll end this here and now."
Kyon yells, "Haruhi! Look out!"
As Ryoko's arms come toward Cure Dio, Cure Extraterrestre throws her into the air without so much as lifting a finger…
...just as the arms pierce her instead.
Kyon is covered in blood. Cure Dio drops hard and lands on her head. Cure Extraterrestre, unfazed, says, "It is finished."
Ryoko asks, "What is, the three years of your brief life?"
"No. Commencing nullification of data link."
Suddenly, the space around the group disintegrates. Ryoko says, "Impossible…"
Cure Extraterrestre drops to the ground, next to an unconscious Cure Dio, whose head is bleeding.
She says, "You are exceptionally skilled. That is why it took so long to force myself and Haruhi Suzumiya into this space. But it is finished now."
Ryoko says, "You prepared entropy factors before you infiltrated this space. That would explain your little wounded gazelle gambit. You had already expanded your offensive data before we began…
"Ah, what a pity. I suppose I was only ever a backup. And I thought it would be a good chance to end this stasis.
"I've lost, luckily for you. You get to live a while longer. But you had better be careful. As you can see, Paranormaland has its own dissenting voices besides myself.
"Well, humans are the same way. Another agent of the radicals may show herself one day. Or perhaps Nagato's master may switch views."
As Ryoko says this and Kyon watches, Cure Extraterrestre removes her helmet to reveal a familiar face. "Nagato?"
Cure Extraterrestre takes the two pieces of her broken glasses out of her helmet and drops them onto the floor. They disintegrate like the rest of the room. She says, "Kyon… I'm sorry."
Ryoko says, "Enjoy your time with Suzumiya until then. Bye."
With these words, she disintegrates with the rest of the room. Cure Extraterrestre collapses, her Tron lines faulty.
Kyon says, "Hey! Nagato, hang in there! I'll call an ambulance."
Cure Extraterrestre says, "No need. My body did not suffer significant injury. This space is more important than I at the moment. Removing foreign substances and reconstructing classroom the way it was."
1-5 is promptly restored to its original state. Kyon asks, "Are you really OK?"
Cure Extraterrestre says, "Processing power was redirected to data manipulation and transformation. The regeneration of this interface was placed in queue. It is currently running."
Suddenly, Cure Extraterrestre remembers something. "I forgot to reconstruct my glasses."
"I'd say you look cuter without them. And I don't really have a glasses fetish anyway."
"What is a glasses fetish?"
"Nothing. Just nonsense."
Then Taniguchi walks in on the three just as Cure Dio regains consciousness. She snarls, "Piss off, motherfu--"
"TAKE YOUR TIME!"
Cure Dio manages to finish uttering the intended obscenity even under Taniguchi's panicked yell upon realizing she was present.
Cure Extraterrestre says, "An interesting person." She then utters an incantation to put Cure Dio, whose head had stopped bleeding due to the data manipulation, back to sleep.
Kyon sighs and asks, "What do we do?"
"Leave it to me. I specialize in data manipulation. I have made it so Ryoko Asakura has transferred out of this school."
Kyon is paralyzed with confusion at those words. Cure Dio is still in a deep sleep.
(ED: "Hare Hare Yukai (cover version)" by Emma Watson)
Next episode: "Closed Space! Very Dreary, and Very Much an Emergency". Watch it.
- Emma Watson as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Tomokazu Sugita as Kyon (Kiyohiko Tanigawa)/Cure Chiave
- Minori Chihara as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Yuko Goto as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- Daisuke Ono as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Marina Inoue as EVO
- Natsuko Kuwatani as Ryoko Asakura
- Minoru Shiraishi as Taniguchi
English (Bang Zoom)
- Wendee Lee as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Crispin Freeman as Kyon (Kiyohiko Tanigawa)/Cure Chiave
- Michelle Ruff as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Stephanie Sheh as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- Johnny Yong Bosch as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Carrie Keranen as EVO
- Bridget Hoffman as Ryoko Asakura
- Sam Riegel as Taniguchi
English (Texas A)
- Maggie Flecknoe as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Leraldo Anzaldua as Kyon (Kiyohiko Tanigawa)/Cure Chiave
- Hilary Haag as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Hannah Alcorn as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- John Swasey as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Jessica Boone as EVO
- Emily Neves as Ryoko Asakura
- Illich Guardiola as Taniguchi
English (Texas B)
- Cherami Leigh as Haruhi Suzumiya/Cure Dio
- Jerry Jewell as Kyon (Kiyohiko Tanigawa)/Cure Chiave
- Colleen Clinkenbeard as Yuki Nagato/Cure Extraterrestre
- Carrie Savage as Mikuru Asahina/Cure Tempo
- J. Michael Tatum as Itsuki Koizumi/Cure Psichico
- Monica Rial as EVO
- Brina Palencia as Ryoko Asakura
- Ian Sinclair as Taniguchi