CONTENT WARNING: MARTIAL ARTS VIOLENCE AND BRIEF LANGUAGE. VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.
The man in black was in his quarters, trying to fashion a weapon he could use against Pretty Cure in their next confrontation.
"¡Maldición! Curse those Pretty Cures for constantly kicking me culo all the way to Durango! They're the reason why I'm now under more pressure-o than ever from that-o Thirteen creep-o!
"But that-o shall be the case-o no longer! For with this nueva contrapción, which shall make me appear to shoot lasers out of mes manos, I will execute grande vengeance upon them with furioso anger, who poison and destroy my standing with Thirteen.
"And they shall know that I am the man in black when I shall lay me venganza upon them!"
With these words, he finished the contraption and put it on him. Attaching the various parts to his body, he said, "Now, then, I shall go back-o to Millennium City and appear on a local-o program-o there that's being broadcast-o this Saturday night.
"And when I make-o me grande entrance-o, I shall split some chains with me lasers--chains that were forged to last through an infierno! And then, I shall issue a challenge to Pretty Cure, live en el air-o!
"And then… I will crush them."
Then the man in black left his quarters, leaving a sign reading "OUT TO CRUSH THOSE PRETTY CURES."
OP: "Danzen! Futari wa Precure Dragon"
"Discendente del samurai - Descendant of the Samurai"
Ryan, Susan, Kelly, and Rica were standing outside the Lee residence, Ryan having invited them to his place for the weekend. All except Rica were in their school uniforms.
Wayne and Jane opened the door. "Welcome back, Ryan. I see you've brought some of your new friends along."
Ryan and Susan curtsied, while Kelly and Rica simply bowed. Wayne said, "Come on in."
They walked into the house. Ryan, Susan, and Kelly removed their ballet shoes, while Rica removed her sneakers. Ryan put his ballet shoes back on, though, when Jane said, "Please, son, we're not in a bedroom."
Ryan said, "I see. Two full weeks attending a girls' school can sometimes make you forget these things."
Rica said, "Why don't we all gather 'round the idiot box tonight, huh? Then we can see how fast our brains can fry with The Z. O'Donnell Show at 7!"
Wayne said, "Good ol' Zed. I used to fry my own brains on that show when I was your age. Ah, well, you're never too old for variety shows."
Meanwhile, the man in black walked up to the studio where The Z. O'Donnell Show was taped. The security guard asked, "Who the hell are you?"
The man in black said, "Uh, I'm a… las'-minute entshwy onto the show. Name of Alfwedo Black. Fwedo fo' sho't. 'Alf-dago and pwou' of it!"
The security guard was confused, to say nothing of how the man in black used an ethnic slur (seriously, his language has me shitting bricks!), and managed to say, "Judging from your costume, you may as well be half-Mexican."
In his own hypocritical way, he responded, "Eo no! I'm actuo-ee also 'alf-Co'ney, even vo' I djwess li' a mawiachi!"
The security guard said, "Anyway, Mr. Black… what do you do?"
"What kind of magic?"
"Yeah, 'at's about it, lasa magic. I can shoot lasas ou' of me 'ands. Watch vis."
The man in black took aim and shot a laser at a metal board, putting a hole in it. The security guard said, "A good magician never reveals his secrets, Dick."
"Actuo-ee, I won't weveal me secwet during the show pwopa. An' you won' weveal i' eiva if you knows wha's goo' fo' you!"
"Yes, yes, I know, Zed would fire me if I revealed to the public anything I happened to learn about whatever magic tricks are performed on his show. Now get backstage, we'll begin in about an hour."
Meanwhile, Ryan and Rica were playing some video games while Susan and Kelly sparred in another part of the house.
Ryan was trying to concentrate on beating Rica at this round of Taken, and he kept going for the offensive, though Rica kept doing the same thing, causing the game to stay neck-to-neck for most of the round.
That is, until Ryan gave Rica a swift kick to the neck, knocking her out and winning. "YES! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!"
Rica said, "Yeah, yeah, I wish you didn't yell like that every time you beat me at Taken. It's… kind of hard on my eardrums, you know."
Ryan said, "Sorry about that. Anyway, I'll fix our dinner."
Rica said, "Good game, limey."
Ryan curtsied before walking into the kitchen to help his mother fix something to eat.
Meanwhile, Susan and Kelly were still sparring when Susan managed to land one on Kelly's neck. Kelly tumbled backwards and said, "Good one, Susan!"
Susan said, "Thanks!"
Newton and Bailey popped out. Newton yelled, "Hey! How come I wasn't featured last week!?"
Susan said, "I don't really know."
Kelly asked, "Who are they?"
Susan said, "Oh, they're our familiars. The female's my familiar, and the male is Ryan's familiar."
Bailey said, "Sorry to startle you like that, Miss…"
Kelly said, "Chiba. Kelly Chiba."
Newton said, "Well, Miss Chiba, glad to have you in our little circle."
Jane's voice suddenly called out. "MISS CHAN! MISS CHIBA! DINNERTIME!"
Susan and Kelly ran out of the room.
The group started to dig in to the special treat of the night: lasagna. Kelly said, "Your son's cooking is good, Mr. and Mrs. Lee. I've tasted it myself."
Rica said, "Yeah, this is the best lasagna I've ever feasted upon!"
Ryan said, "Thanks."
Wayne asked, "Are you sure he wasn't interning in the cafeteria?"
Rica said, "Well… he hasn't made pizza yet. The pizza we eat for lunch is quite the treat--in fact, it's as good as you can get with cafeteria pizza!"
Jane said, "Glad to hear it."
Wayne said, "Yeah, the pizza I used to eat at school couldn't even match Cafeteria di Pizza in high-quality pizza."
Susan said, "I really like how things are going at Ichiban--out of the students and staff there, only us three girls, a couple of other students who happen to be good friends, and the ballet teacher, who happens to be my mum, knows Ryan's true gender."
Wayne said, "I sure hope he's not going to reveal his gender to too many people."
Ryan said, "Don't worry, Dad; I've got the whole thing under control."
Wayne said, "I see."
They continued eating.
The man in black shot at a metal board as target practice. The board already had numerous holes in it, and yet he was still firing at it.
He laughed heartily and yelled, "Pwepay-uh to be a maze, because ve man in black's gonna bwing 'is magic ovah to ve tube!"
The group was gathered around the TV for The Z. O'Donnell Show, where an exciting new event was about to take place.
Little do they know that Ryan and Susan would consider the event to have a suspicious pretext.
Z. O'Donnell said, "Hi, I'm Zed O'Donnell. For our first performance of the day, we present you with a major shock. The media has been paying attention to the supernatural and the occult lately, and who can blame them, really? The question is, do believe in it, or do you not?
"Of course, Millennium City is no stranger to the occult--do you know the story of the Hungry Wives? My supernatural power was to create zombies to perform on my show. Of course, many with supernatural powers have been on TV, but this one--this ain't a kiddy trick like bending spoons, this is serious!
"Yes, for the first time ever on our show, a man who already made a name for himself and became a legend in his own time. Now, ladies and gentlemen, our guest star today… Mr. Black!"
Out from behind the curtain stepped the man in black, clad in his mariachi outfit, complete with that tacky sombrero. A chain was laid out on an anvil in front of him, and a chisel and hammer were readied to try to shatter it.
"Here, you see a chain, three quarters of an inch thick, forged with adamantium, impervious to the chisel! It's practically indestructible! And only with the biggest and most powerful machinery can you cut through it--or even dream of such a thing, for that matter! Ha ha!
"That was the case, at least, until today, when Mr. Black breaks the chain bare-handed with his amazing inner power! Mr. Black, if you please…"
The man in black stretched out his arms akimbo, then slowly moved his hands close to each other as the drum rolled. Aiming his hands at the chain, he fired the laser.
Even Zed was astounded. "He did it! He did it! I can't believe it! Look at that! My God! Did you see that!? Oh! Ah, it's true! You can't believe it, but it is true!"
Ryan turned to his parents and asked, "What do you make of that crazy Mexican? A chain that size…"
Jane said, "He's strong."
Susan, recognizing the face, looked at the screen with contempt as she said, "That's something we should look into. When you find strong people, you'd better hope he isn't a criminal or that you're stronger than he."
Wayne said, "Oh, Susan… what are you talking about? Too many lunatics running around these days; I don't want to hear it."
Susan said, "I suppose. It's just that I… it would be nice to help you in the event that said lunatics showed up at your door."
Wayne said, "Thank you for your concern, Miss Chan."
On the TV, Zed said, "Help him, help him there."
The man in black said, "Pick up the chain."
The two assistants did so, bringing the chain to him. The man in black pulled the first link apart with some difficulty. Zed said, "Oh! Oh, that's wonderful! Wonderful!"
With Zed holding a microphone to him, the man in black said, "So I 'eard veh ah many people ve wuhld ovah vat can do vis. So I says 'tis o' nonsense!"
Zed said, "So tomorrow, any interested challengers can call Millennium TV at the following number: 555-0109… Mr. Black…"
The man in black was still ripping apart the chain. He boasted, "If veh be anyone 'oo wishes to chowenge me, vey ah welcome! I'll expose o' veh lies!"
Zed said, "Boys and girls, you heard this first! Here, today, that's just a sample of the kind of action you'll see this week!"
Ryan said, "There's something fishy about this guy. I'm calling the station first thing tomorrow!"
Then Ryan walked upstairs and turned in for the night. Susan, Rica, and Kelly followed suit. Rica said, "You two go to the guest bedroom. I'll be sleeping on Ryan's floor. Hopefully, he won't have tracked too much dirt in there with his ballet shoes…"
Rica was on the phone the next day.
"Yes, this is Rica Watson… I'm entering two teenagers who would be interested in taking up Mr. Black's challenge… no, sir, I'm not one of them… yes, I'll make preparations for the two's bill with… wait a second, who? Awesome! I'll get preparations for tonight's show started right away. Thank you, sir. ¡Adios!"
Rica hung up and dialed another number. "Yes, Mrs. Chan, this is Rica Watson, another friend of your daughter… I'm placing an order for a pair of tutu dresses for her and another friend of mine, name of Ryan Lee. Make the leotards satin, and make it so they have to be sewn into them. Also, I'd like the sleeves to be puffed, kind of princess-style, you know, with lace on the edges. And the tutus… seven inches from the waist, and two rows of silver sequin trim. Yes, I'd like them to be ruffled. Put a chest bow on each leotard, and secure them in place by sewing a heart-shaped brooch onto them. Can you also supply for them two pairs of opera gloves? Make sure they can reach their elbows when snug. Make Ryan's dress pink, and Susan's dress blue. Can you have them ready by 5:00 sharp? Thanks, Mrs. Chan! See you!"
A limo pulled up to the Lee residence. Two maids emerged.
They entered the house and took some measurements for Ryan and Susan. Ryan said, "Make my waistline a bit smaller, OK?"
One maid asked, "Are you sure?"
Ryan said, "Maybe I could squeeze in a corset underneath. Bring a corset just in case, OK?"
The other maid said, "Yes, sir."
The two maids left.
Newton and Bailey walked up to Ryan and Susan. Newton said, "Well, that may be quite the situation you're getting yourself into!"
Ryan snarked, "You think?"
Bailey said, "But there's an easy solution to the problem known only as 'the camera doesn't lie'--genderbending."
Ryan was confused. "What?"
Newton said, "You two Cures have the power to morph into the opposite gender, to get my drift. The incantation to unlock such a spell is 'Metamorphoste to phylo mou'."
Ryan said, "OK, it's all Greek to me."
Bailey said, "You'll get used to it… hopefully…"
Around 5:00 PM, Victoria pulled up to the Lee residence in an Isuzu Wizard. Two maids accompanied her, carrying a pair of short satin dresses.
They entered. Victoria asked, "Ready?"
Ryan and Susan got up and walked into another room. One maid locked the door from within.
"Well, what do you think?"
Ryan, who now wore blush on his cheeks, was looking at himself in the mirror after one of the Chan family's maids finished getting him in his dress. He said, "It feels a little tight, but even without the corset it's at least not crushing my innards."
Susan, who was wearing a blue version of the same outfit as well as blush on her own cheeks, said, "All right, let's go now."
It had taken about a quarter of an hour to get both in their dresses. As Ryan and Susan left the house, Jane stopped them. "Wait! I think these might make you look cuter."
Jane stuck a pair of wireframe glasses onto Ryan before adding, "Oh, and this." She put a silver tiara on him. "That's the tiara I wore to prom. And those glasses? I wore them, before I got corrective surgery. I kept them around in case my vision runs in the family. See you later, son."
Jane kissed Ryan on the forehead before he and Susan got into Victoria's car.
It parked outside the Chan residence. Susan asked, "Why are we parking here?"
Victoria said, "I just remembered something. I'll be right back." Then she got out of the car along with the two maids. Not one minute later, she came back. Opening Susan's side of the car, she put on her a similar tiara to what Ryan was wearing, only with a blue gemstone instead of a pink gemstone. "If Ryan's gong to wear a tiara on tonight's variety show, I think it appropriate for you to wear a similar tiara."
Susan said, "Thanks, Mum!"
The car continued to the TV station.
It parked outside. Victoria said, "Have a nice day, you two!" Then the car drove off.
Ryan walked into a hidden area and said, "Metamorphoste to phylo mou."
When he returned, he was now a she, though his chest size was still A in this form. He tried to speak, only to find that no voice was coming out. He was greatly surprised. Susan said, "Don't worry, Ryan; I'll speak for you."
Once they entered the studio, Ryan and Susan each tied their hair in a bun before being met by a bespectacled man wearing glasses. The man had a mustache and was wearing a black kimono with identically-colored hakama pants. In his hands was a sword handle, a special gem that would emit a Class III-B blade with the push of a button (but only if properly placed inside the handle), three pairs of laser goggles, and another adamantium chain.
Susan said, "Hi. You must be Sonny Chiba."
The man said, "My name is Nicola Terry, and I played the part of Sonny Chiba in Bodyguard Kiba."
Susan was amazed. "You're an actor?"
Nicola said, "And a former swordsman. I'm still a hand-to-hand combatant, though, and I was hoping to show off my Star Wars fanboyism live on television."
Susan asked, "So what do we do?"
Zed was as hammy as ever. The man in black watched silently.
"Ever heard of the science fiction/fantasy film series Star Wars? Well, there's this group of heroic mages who defend justice in the galaxy with laser swords. Now, Mr. Nicola Terry, himself an avowed Star Wars fanatic, has produced the first real-life working model of these magical laser swords and will use it to try to one-up Mr. Black, a guest on last night's show whose magic act involved slicing an adamantium chain with his bare hands.
"How will Mr. Terry one-up Mr. Black with a laser sword? Keep in mind that what you are about to see… is defictionalisation. And here, we have his lovely assistants, one of whom is mute, pretty, and wields fists of fury, and the other who is quite true blue! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Terry's lovely assistants!"
Ryan and Susan walked onto the stage in sync and curtsied in sync. They also blew a kiss to the audience in sync. Zed continued, "And now, here he is, the one, the only… NICOLA TERRY!"
Nicola walked onto the stage carrying the sword handle from before and wearing one of the pairs of laser goggles. "I will now cut an adamantium chain with a sword, a feat never before accomplished by man even on yesterday's program. Bring forth the chain, ladies."
Ryan and Susan curtsied in Nicola's direction and picked up the chain he had indicated. They laid it on an anvil. Nicola said, "Now then… witness the true power of the science fiction laser sword."
Ryan and Susan each put on a pair of laser goggles. Then Nicola pushed a button on the handle, and out popped a green laser blade nearly four times as long as the handle. Nicola swung it around a few times, presumably to warm up, and then sent it down on the chain, slicing it.
Suddenly, the man in black took out a similar sword handle and sent a laser blade out glowing red. Nicola yelled, "Mr. Black! How the hell did you manage to make your own working model!?"
Susan said, "I know; I was startled, too, as was your other assistant."
Nicola said, "You two… I have completed two other working models, colors varying. Use them against this… this… this ruffian who dared commit corporate espionage behind my back!"
Susan said, "It's not exactly corporate, but OK."
Then she and Ryan ran backstage. When they emerged, they were both wielding their own laser swords. Ryan's was also red, but it was more of a ruby shade than the blood red shade of the man in black's. Susan's, on the other hand, was blue.
That was when the man in black revealed an even deadlier surprise. A second blood red laser blade emerged from his laser sword, this time from the other end.
A fight ensued. The lasers went all around the stage, and Zed was trying to stay out of harm's way during the color commentary.
"Well, it looks like Mr. Black's hell-bent on trying to stay the best there is at supernatural powers; a fight's broken out between three single blades and one double blade! Doesn't seem like a fair fight, three-on-two--yes, three-on-two, I'm counting blade power, not people power!
"Anyway, the laser swords are clanging like mad--oh, looks like Miss Fists of Fury managed to startle Mr. Black by knocking one of his blades up, and it looks like she's trying to kill him! But Mr. Black dodges… my God, what did Mr. Black ever do to deserve to have attempts made on his life on live television? And don't our combatants know that this is not Rollerball or Death Race 2000?
"So Mr. Black recovered from this nasty surprise fairly quickly and managed to land a kick on Miss Fists of Fury in retaliation for her attempt on his life! Please, people, this is The Z. O'Donnell Show, not Jerry Springer!
"Miss True Blue proceeds to go on the defensive, she's got her blade closing in on Mr. Black, but Mr. Black kicks her down, too! So not only is Mr. Black a cocky Cockney, he's also willing to hit a girl in combat!
"But Mr. Terry still refuses to give up…"
Nicola said, "My ancestor is the great samurai, Hanzo Hattori. As a descendant of a samurai, I refuse to lose. To surrender right now would be so embarrassing, my fathers would be turning over in their graves!"
Zed continued, "And he's got his blade on Mr. Black's finger--his pinky, to be precise! Whoa! Holy crap, did you just see that? Nicola Terry has just performed yubitsume mid-combat on Fredo Black! Mr. Black now looks like a Yakuza!"
As Ryan and Susan got up, the latter said, "All right! That's just what we wanted to hear!"
Mr. Black ran off the stage while yelling, "YOU MAY 'AVE WON VIS ROUN', BUT OW GE' YOU NEX' TIME, NICOLA! NEX' TIME!"
Nicola smiled smugly, holding the severed pinky, and said, "No, you won't."
About six hours later, Ryan's "lovely assistant" outfit hung in his closet and he was in his pajamas. He and Ran had taken a picture together with Nicola before departing from the studio.
Looking at that picture, he said, "Nicola… you were awesome tonight. I hope to see you again soon."
Next episode: "Il fisico - The Physical"
- Yuki Tokiwa as Hiroshi Lee/Cure Dragon
- Nana Mizuki as Ran Chan/Cure Fortune
- Mariko Kouda as Kaori Chiba
- Daisuke Kishio as Shinhan
- Hisako Kanemoto as Seikou
- Norio Wakamoto as Kuro
- Kenta Miyake as Kamui Lee
- Ryoko Sakakibara as Haruko Lee
- Yuriko Yamamoto as Yue Chan
- Miyuki Sawashiro as Rica Watanabe
- J.J. Sonny Chiba as Hanzo Hattori
- Ben Miura as Zed O'Donnell
- Additional voices:
- Fumiko Orikasa as Maid A
- Chiwa Saito as Maid B
- Rupert Grint as Ryan Lee/Cure Dragon
- Britt McKillip as Susan Chan/Cure Fortune
- Cyndy Preston as Kelly Chiba
- Mark X. Laskowski as Newton
- Maggie Flecknoe as Bailey
- Stephen Apostolina as Black
- Gregory Snegoff as Wayne Lee
- Sybil Danning as Jane Lee
- Jessica Calvello as Victoria Chan
- Chloe Grace Moretz as Rica Watson
- Frank von Kuegelgen as Nicola Terry
- Todd Newton as Zed O'Donnell
- Additional voices:
- Trina Nishimura as Maid A
- Kira Vincent-Davis as Maid B